Keep Breathing…

Today, the newest Heal My Voice book, Harmonic Voices, True Stories of Women on a Path to Peace launched.

To keep it real, I will share that I am more than a little nervous. Part of me is scared sh*tless. Keep breathing…

My story is titled, “Confessions of a Starving Fat Girl” and my stomach is doing back flips. My secret pain is no longer a secret. Anyone in the world can now read it. Even though in previous books I wrote about my sexual abuse, health issues and the challenges of parenting post-institutional kids, this story is the most disclosing and was by far the most difficult to write.

‘Confessions’ is about emotional eating and lack of self love. Deep breath.

In this Heal My Voice group, we started with the goal of writing about peace in the world. Generally, when one is ready to do the work, everything keeping you from the work comes up. So it was with the Voices of Peace group. Everything that was NOT peace presented. How can you focus on peace in the world when your life is blowing up, when all sorts of stuff is hitting the fan? Ahhhh….insight…..

Peace is an inside job. There can be no peace on the outside when there is no inner peace. How can I practice the Golden Rule when I treat myself badly? Yep, what came up was not flowers and fairy tales. It was a messy, painful wound that was ready to be cleaned out so the healing could begin.

We looked inside, healing parts of ourselves that were ready to be healed by sharing, feeling the feelings and learning how to accept what had been. No rewriting the past. Being honest with oneself is the work. What happened is fact. I can choose to judge or to view my past through the lens of understanding and compassion.

Coming to an understanding of this part of myself took work, seemed illusive along the way and was a conscious choice. I continue to integrate the learning.

I am, in many ways, an open book. Some family members think I am too uncensored. Transparency, no secrets. I am used to sharing with friends and being frank during interactions. I guess this book launch is the next step, into the world showing who I am.

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